Hi all, I thought I would share this with you because....well... because, I know we all
have stories to tell.....but this is one that means alot to my family.
I am quite regularly plagued by moments of
dissatisfaction, frustration, and just pure ungratefulness of
all that I have....If I think of how close Holly came and of all the women
who have suffered and lost their lives and are in a battle against this insidious disease,
well.....how dare I, hey? If, like me, you happen to be feeling a bit sorry for yourself today
or just downright unsatisfied with things....then read this....imagine if this happened to you..
Laughing at
Cancer
Do my
boobs look big in this?
“We’ll have to call you Bob” (boob with one ‘O’ missing). This was one of the many
funnies my family & friends came up with after I had my
mastectomy.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the ripe old age of
37 after finding a lump while showering. After failed biopsies and
inconclusive results a family friend stepped in to become my Angel of Mercy.
With her persistence she got top surgeons to take my case and I was admitted
straight away for more biopsies.
Surprise, surprise, it was to me, they found cancer
throughout my left breast which left no other desiscion but full removal of
offending mammory. To say I was shock and terrified is an
understatement. I had a partner of 18 years and an 18 month old son, things like
this didn’t happen to people like me. When asked the question so many of us ask
“Why”? the reply was you were just unlucky which isn’t surprising, never
had any luck with raffles either. With no family history they were scratching
their heads. And so the story of Breast Cancer in my life
began.
I have an extremely close family who stood strong when I
needed them. I found a weakness in myself I didn’t perticularly like and old
fears resurfaced which I had entirely forgotten about. Why not completely fall
apart when you have the chance hey? Don’t just concentrate on one thing mind,
let it all loose.
Within 2 weeks of diagnosis the remarkable surgeons
remove my breast and thankful only a couple of lymph nodes and left me a few
kilos lighter. This part was to be the easiest and the recover very quick. I had
the chance to have Chemotherapy and Radium for longevity and by God I took
it.
What fantastic timing cancer has. I mean to say could it
not have waited until my schedule was empty.
My younger sister was to be married right in the thick of
it. Or vis versa. All at once the strapless dresses she finally managed to
convinced us to wear seemed impossible as I had yet to be fitted with a
prothesis. The fitting was very emotional for both my sisters and myself but we
got there eventually. Luckily they allowed me a couple of weeks grace before
Chemo started as the last thing I wanted was a baldy in the wedding photos
always reminding us of this horrible disease. I hated cancer with
a venom that scared me. This thing was not going to ruin my life and I damn well
had to suck it up and get on with it for everyones sake. Just to
let you know the wedding was amazing.
My little boy grew up fast in the next year and went from
being home with me 24/7 to staying with his grandparents sometimes for 5 days at
a time. My younger sister, her husband and son became his second family and I
had to ask for help. Something I didn’t do and still have troubles with today.
The poor little mite took in everything and even now gets quite distressed or
naughty before my check-ups.
Hubby became my whipping boy, not the erotic kind, and
couldn’t do anything right sometimes. We had been together for a very long time
and been good friends and partners but this was something we couldn’t do for
each other and that became very hard. He rallied around and did as
much as he could and continued with house renovations that had long been let
slip. Our relationship has changed it’s not as carefree as it once was and I
know it’s me. I’m holding on tight and am finding it hard to not
be uptight. This is something I never was and must regain once
again.
You know the saying what doesn’t kill you to makes you
stronger. Well that’s Chemo. Nasty, poisonous, skin tingling….well you get the
drift. My dear Dad became my Chemo partner and travelled every
three weeks with me over 170km round trip. Seeing his strong
daughter turn to water must have been something from a horror movie.
I had reactions to chemicals, others administered that left me wiped out
and hardly able to make it back to the car but he was so calming.
Always a quiet man, in a family of 4 women, go figure, we have always got
on well but I think as an adult I found a new respect for him but the strong
love was always there. He has since talked a lady at our local
bakery through her treatments as she too has had reactions.
Nothing like a bit of bedside
treatement with your sausage rolls. A funny thing I
remember was once after treatment, asleep in my bed one of my chooks started
clucking and just wouldn’t stop. I yelled at and chased that chicken through our
orchard like a maniac as noise would send me over the top. Not a
good look so it’s lucky we live on 11 acres.
My Mum, always a rock, held it together and busied
herself as she always does. She kept our house, mothered my child,
myself, hubby, dad, sisters and so on while keeping the whole network running
like clock work. With nothing but positive thinking with a bit of
tarot reading thrown in for good measure. I love her dearly. Is
there nothing she can do?
Being away from this disease was my other sister in
Victoria. How do you offer love and support over
the phone while also receiving some back? You don’t.
She travelled north once I was admitted to hospital and we spent around a
month I think together and then they came back for Christmas. My
sisters are a quirky couple who make me laugh with a strange and dry and
sometime downright stupid sense of humour. They told me home
truths and bolstered me about if I got down, shaved my head when it all started
to fall out and complemented my when I needed it. Amazingly enough
after having long hair my entire life, I found I had quite a nice shaped head
and being bald wasn’t as bad as I thought. Even now with a short
hair do I am still coming to terms with having to get it cut and might yet opt
for that look once more.
My time for Radium came and we spent a intensive 5 weeks
in the capital city. Not so bad really as I grew up there and have
amazing friends who rallied around and took turns staying with me.
My son loves the city and used to talk about his city house.
We actually had a really good time then and knowing the treatment was
coming to an end was like a breath of fresh air.
I still get check ups every 3 months. So
far so good, fingers crossed.
My life has changed. I dress better, but
have a different ”style”. I’m more impatient than before and have
a terrible temper I never new existed. I’m quicker to laugh at myself and don’t
let little things bother me so much. Although once a traveller I
feel a bit scared to leave my home circle whereas before I jumped at any
chance. I’m sure that will leave eventually and things will slowly
return to normal but I now realise what is important in life. LIFE
ITSELF. Corny yes but so very true.
H. Slade
To all those who have been through this, who can relate, I honour you.....
thankyou so very much for sharing this with us Holly.....and we are
all so very grateful to have you in our lives. x
And PLEASE... Ladies...keep on checking those Boobs!!
(or have someone do it for you...whatever tickles your fancy!!)
